30 June 2006

A Fable for life

Once upon a time, a small bird began his trip south for the winter. He was not a very smart little bird, and he had procrastinated his trip. It got very cold and he was finally unable to continue. He fell to the ground, nearly frozen.
He lay there for some time, and his life flashed before his mind’s eye. He was just about to give up all hope when a cow ambled by, narrowly missing the little bird with her hooves. She did not miss, however, with the cow pie that she let go just above the bird, and he was entirely covered in manure.
For a moment, he was distressed beyond all he had ever been before. “Why did this have to happen to me?” he wondered. Then, he noticed that he was warming up. The manure was steaming hot from the inside of the oblivious bovine and the little bird’s core temperature began to rise.
This made him so happy, he began to sing. Soon he would be on his way to warmer climes in the south, and he could hardly wait. Unfortunately, a passing cat heard him singing, dug him out of the manure and ate him.
The moral of this story is threefold:
1. Not everyone who dumps poop on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who digs you out of the poop is your friend.
And 3. When you are warm and happy in a pile of poop, shut the heck up!

28 June 2006

How about a Joke?

Philip decided he would like a pet, but he was on a budget. He perused the classified ads in the newspaper every day, hoping to find a good dog or cat he could bring home and make his own. One day, he saw the following ad:

Talking Dog--$10.00--and then the address.

"this I have to see," Philip thought. So he went to the address listed in the ad.

When a man answered the door, Philip asked if he could see the dog. "Sure," the man said. "He's in the back room watching TV."

Philip went back and sure enough, the dog sat there, remote in one hand, beer in the other, watching television. "Hey, how ya doin'?" asked the dog.

"Wow!" cried Philip. "You really can speak!"

"Of course I can," said the dog. "I speak very well."

"Well," Philip said, "I am looking for a pet. Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

"All right," said the dog. "I spent the early years of my life amusing my first owner, until he realized my potential. Then we spent several years touring the world, hitting the talk show circuit, carnivals, circuses and the like. When 9-11 happened, I felt the need to give back something to the community. I enlisted in the K9 Corps, training to be a bomb-sniffing dog. I spent about 18 months over in Afghanistan and Iraq, working with EOD and the 3rd and 10th Infantry Divisions. I was decorated several times, including the 3 Silver Stars. But I burned out pretty quickly, and after I was wounded by a roadside bomb, I was medically discharged, came here and hooked up with my current owner. I live off my disability income, so as not to be a burden to anyone."

"That's amazing!" Philip said. He walked out into the front room to talk to the man at the door. "I want to buy your dog," he said, "but I have to know one thing: why are you selling him for only $10.00?"

The man replied, projecting his voice into the back room, "Because he's a BIG LIAR!"